No matter how many grains of gold I serve you, you keep eating oatmeal, and I can’t become my problem.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, itøs probably crap.
If the penalty for a crime is a fine, then that law only exists for the lower class.
If someone says it’s raining and another person says it’s dry, it’s not your job to quote them both. Your job is to look out the fucking window and find out which is true.
A good breakfast can save the day.
When you get as old as I am and no longer have a husband or dog, and the children have long since left home, you can sit and get a little wiser by thinking. Then it’s time to edit your memories and start looking at your life again. First come the regrets, then come the wrongs you’ve done, mistakes you’ve made – and all the things you can sit and brood over if you’re already in a bad mood. But you can also understand people and contexts in a new way.
It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head. We all are. It’s only when you’re fucked up in the heart that makes you a piece of shit.
If you absolutely don’t have time to make your own mayonnaise, Hellmann’s Mayonnaise is the only store-bought mayonnaise that will do.
We are not all in the same boat. We are all in the same storm.
Sometimes, the wrong train takes you to the right station.
I am a bourgeois, but I am not a Left-woman. I was born a bourgeois, and I have always tried not to stand on a pedestal and say that I am a worker. That would be false talk. Nor during the many years when the red hirelings were around and held their noses at the thought of “Matador” and everything else I did. I’m not a peasant either. I was born a bourgeois, but that is why I can criticise the bourgeoisie and their shabby schemes, which I can easily see through.
If you only want to see dog shit, then there is dog shit.
If the heroes run and hide, who will stay and fight?
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
Isn’t it great to see so many men in bike shorts?
Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays.
The pill is one of the biggest advances I’ve seen.
Even when your life seems most monotonous, what you do is always of real value — and importance to your fellow men.
I thought I was stone rich, so I poured money out with both hands – and now I owe right and left.
If you live for weekends or vacations, your shit is broken.
One of the things I can’t get my hands on is something like “Mothers’ Clubs”, where instead of reading a book and walking in nature with their babies, they sit and talk about vomit and nappies and burping with other like-minded people and get nowhere. I think it bothers me a little in the women’s area.
You can beat 40 scholars with one fact, but you cannot beat one idiot with 40 facts.
When I was a child, ladies and gentlemen, I was a dreamer. I read comic books and I was the hero of the comic book. I saw movies and I was the hero in the movie. So every dream I ever dreamed has come true a hundred times…I learned very early in life that: ‘Without a song, the day would never end; without a song, a man ain’t got a friend; without a song, the road would never bend – without a song.’ So I keep singing a song. Goodnight. Thank you.
If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.